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• We are TODAY going to end the problem of reusable shopping bag mismanagement. 
• 
  
• Today. 

Of course, today is a big day. So just stop thinking I care. 

Look, sometimes we just need a bag. Sometimes we forget our nice cloth shopping bags that say "food" 

Or "Stuff."

1. You can buy a bag from the checkout maybe.
2. BUT
3. The bags contain microplastics.  One of them, thrown away in the water, is as much a danger as 120 of the thin plastic ones. I know. My bag lady told me.

People often feel guilty about throwing das bagsies away. 

Not to mention the population problem. The bagsies sort of multiply in the broom closet.

It's embarrassing too because the broom is gone. 

Which in turn means it's inoperant in terms of conditioning Skinner's floor which is the bedroom of your son. Skinner is a good name. 

But the point of the matter is, what is going on here?

Why not make a decent hemp bag?

Cool.

Me: How much do you think a good hemp bag should cost?

Mary-in-Blue: Well, I think one could be fashioned (notice the word) for about 4 dollars. 

Me: fashioned?

Mary-in-Blue: Yes, why not? Fashion is a statement, or can be: das you care about beauty. Das you seek excellence. That nothing fazes you because I AM is with you in blue. Note please however service and courtesy are perennially stylish, as you have observed because a Pandyan king has returned to instruct you. But do do note: the wearer of any clothes is the worker and the worker is the last one to expect praise. In general, insist to yourself that what you wear always come as a frame holding an accurate and not purely avant garde picture of you. Don't try to look ahead of your time. Look like today. Look like boy. Look like girl. Look like bi. Look like trans. You be you. You be yo. You be yowsa. You be sleeping bear. 

Pollution problem solved chunk chunk

Guilt problem too chank chank

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The project will also involve--to say it again--das Volk-yolk, which is to say every nation, being able to return extra bags to the stores they were purchased from.

Das bagsies Das Bagsies will then be washed and reused, or recycled, or any other imaginative thing that imaginative people will come up with. 

I recommend Tintorento though--a game I know in which nursery children jump on mattresses of shredded hemp. 

Listen darling. Trump has seen to it that hemp can legally be grown. Can we stop being idiots and start taking advantage of that simple fact? Hemp is an incredibly worthwhile plant to grow, partly because it refreshes the soil better than many of the best fertilizers. 

Or is that fact maybe an inconvenient one for fertilizer companies?

ME: what do you think might be a reasonable price for fashion statement bagsies?

MARY. I could see a 16 dollar one doing pretty well indeed.

ME: Do you think stores will make money on these bagsies. 

MARY: Oh no, I think they will generously work on this and see to it that they chink any profits into the chunkster for environmental causes. 

ME: And what might we prioritize?

MARY: Well, right now I would encourage bees. Love the bees. Hemp your bees. And if you do not know what I mean, hemp the bees knees. It's fun, I see you're wearing two belts today to prevent yourself from loving the bees too hard. Just trust me. But trust me too, you can hemp them into bumbling happiness. Check out Xerces society, which I know can't pay you're because you're my worker drone, not theirs. 

ME:  Minnesota and certain portions of Wisconsin have recognized as a pretty good writer.

MARY: yes, but just don't let the honey of fame go to your head. Remember the best way to worthwhile fame is to follow your assumptions. Ephesus works too. Would you like to talk some theology? 

ME: I think there's more room to talk about the bees.

MARY: Well of course there is, but why not talk about you? I've called you an infinite being. I've called you my favorite creature in all the universe. And you took a flashlight along to the lake and said you were not, you were not. And the flashlight remembers nothing because your hand was upon it. And the lake is alive because you said das thing. 

ME: (sighing) I'd really rather stick to the bees. 

MARY: (fading out) Wonderful then, have fun. 

ME: Well there she goes again. I mean take it with a grain of salt, but I don't know why I keep talking to myself.